JOKES AND RIDDLES FOR CHRISTIAN TEENS
JOKES AND RIDDLES FOR CHRISTIAN TEENS
Here We Go Again
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JOKES AND RIDDLES FOR CHRISTIAN TEENS is a weekly blog that contains good clean humor and inspiration of various kinds. It is part of a website called CHRISTIAN TEEN PLACE compiled and designed for younger teens and older kids with various kinds of humor, puzzles, forums, random polls, inspirational stories of famous people, book reviews, Bible studies, devotions and more. The editor of JOKES AND RIDDLES FOR CHRISTIAN TEENS, Bob Miller is a middle school Bible teacher, a former church music director, a former youth minister and a former chaplain, to name a few of his "former" jobs. The idea came from his middle school religion class at Ascension Academy in Amarillo, TX.
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A JOKE
Shingles
More and more doctors are running their practice like assembly lines. One fellow walked into a doctor̓s office and the receptionist asked him what he had. He said, “Shingles.” So she took down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat. Fifteen minutes later a nurse̓s aid came out and asked him what be had. He said, “Shingles.” So she took down his height, weight, medical history and told him to wait in the waiting room. A half hour later a nurse came in and asked him what he had. He said, “Shingles.” So she gave him a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, told him to take off his clothes and wait for the doctor. An hour later the doctor came in and asked him what he had. He said, “Shingles.” The doctor said, “Where?” He said, “Outside in the truck. Where do ya want ‘em?
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SOME RIDDLES
How do we know that Job went to a chiropractor?
Because Job 16:12, 14, 16 says, "I had come to be at ease, but he proceeded to shake me up: and he grabbed me by the back of the neck and proceeded to smash me."
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Will there be dogs in the new system?
No, 2 Peter 3:14 tells us that we will be without spot.
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Why won't we drink milk in the new world?
Because, at Armageddon, there will be udder destruction.
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Why shouldn't Christians watch TV?
At the transfiguration, Jesus said, "Tell the vision to no one."
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Who was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
Moses, because he broke all 10 commandments at once.
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Who was known as a Mathematician in the Bible?
Moses, he wrote the book of Numbers.
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Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
The area around the Jordan, the banks were always overflowing.
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AN EPITAPH
Here lieth W.W.
Who never more will
Trouble you, trouble you.
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A TONGUE TWISTER
A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk,
but the stump thunk the skunk stunk.
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TEN BEST ONE LINERS
1. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
2. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A- flat minor.
3. To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
4. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
5. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
6. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
8. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
9. What's the definition of a will? It's a dead giveaway.
10. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
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Find Bob Miller on
| christianteenplace | thoughtsforteens | bestbooksforteens |
| gamesforteens | twitter | ipadstore |
_________________________________________________
JOKES AND RIDDLES FOR CHRISTIAN TEENS is a weekly blog that contains good clean humor and inspiration of various kinds. It is part of a website called CHRISTIAN TEEN PLACE compiled and designed for younger teens and older kids with various kinds of humor, puzzles, forums, random polls, inspirational stories of famous people, book reviews, Bible studies, devotions and more. The editor of JOKES AND RIDDLES FOR CHRISTIAN TEENS, Bob Miller is a middle school Bible teacher, a former church music director, a former youth minister and a former chaplain, to name a few of his "former" jobs. The idea came from his middle school religion class at Ascension Academy in Amarillo, TX.
_________________________________________________
A JOKE
Shingles
More and more doctors are running their practice like assembly lines. One fellow walked into a doctor̓s office and the receptionist asked him what he had. He said, “Shingles.” So she took down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat. Fifteen minutes later a nurse̓s aid came out and asked him what be had. He said, “Shingles.” So she took down his height, weight, medical history and told him to wait in the waiting room. A half hour later a nurse came in and asked him what he had. He said, “Shingles.” So she gave him a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, told him to take off his clothes and wait for the doctor. An hour later the doctor came in and asked him what he had. He said, “Shingles.” The doctor said, “Where?” He said, “Outside in the truck. Where do ya want ‘em?
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SOME RIDDLES
How do we know that Job went to a chiropractor?
Because Job 16:12, 14, 16 says, "I had come to be at ease, but he proceeded to shake me up: and he grabbed me by the back of the neck and proceeded to smash me."
_________________________________________________
Will there be dogs in the new system?
No, 2 Peter 3:14 tells us that we will be without spot.
_________________________________________________
Why won't we drink milk in the new world?
Because, at Armageddon, there will be udder destruction.
_________________________________________________
Why shouldn't Christians watch TV?
At the transfiguration, Jesus said, "Tell the vision to no one."
_________________________________________________
Who was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
Moses, because he broke all 10 commandments at once.
_________________________________________________
Who was known as a Mathematician in the Bible?
Moses, he wrote the book of Numbers.
_________________________________________________
Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
The area around the Jordan, the banks were always overflowing.
_________________________________________________
AN EPITAPH
Here lieth W.W.
Who never more will
Trouble you, trouble you.
_________________________________________________
A TONGUE TWISTER
A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk,
but the stump thunk the skunk stunk.
_________________________________________________
TEN BEST ONE LINERS
1. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
2. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A- flat minor.
3. To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
4. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
5. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
6. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
8. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
9. What's the definition of a will? It's a dead giveaway.
10. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
_________________________________________________
Find Bob Miller on
| christianteenplace | thoughtsforteens | bestbooksforteens |
| gamesforteens | twitter | ipadstore |
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A FEW OLDIES BUT GOODIES
JOKES AND RIDDLES FOR CHRISTIAN TEENS is a weekly blog that contains good clean humor and inspiration of various kinds. It is part of a website called CHRISTIAN TEEN PLACE compiled and designed for younger teens and older kids with various kinds of humor, puzzles, forums, random polls, inspirational stories of famous people, book reviews, Bible studies, devotions and more. The editor of JOKES AND RIDDLES FOR CHRISTIAN TEENS, Bob Miller is a former middle school Bible teacher, a former church music director, a former youth minister and a former chaplain, to name a few of his "former" jobs. The idea came from his middle school religion class at Ascension Academy in Amarillo, TX.
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CHURCH BULLETIN BLOOPERS (OLDIES BUT GOODIES!)
Believe it or not the following announcements actually appeared in various bulletins (or so they say!):
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
RIDDLES (Answers at bottom of page)
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CHURCH BULLETIN BLOOPERS (OLDIES BUT GOODIES!)
Believe it or not the following announcements actually appeared in various bulletins (or so they say!):
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again" giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.
Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
The church will host an evening of fine dinning, superb entertainment, and gracious entertainment and gracious hostility.
A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife.
Bring wife and one other covered dish to banquet.
The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
_________________________________________________RIDDLES (Answers at bottom of page)
*1. What is the rank of a Marine dentist?
*2. What did the Kamikaze instructor say to his students?
*3. What did the surgeon say to his patient when he finished the operation?
*4. Who is the first person in the orchestra to be hit by lightning?
*from Lot’s O’ Riddles, published by Barbour Publishing, Inc.
Used by permission.
5. Which is the first instance of tennis playing in the Bible?
6. What is the first instance of cannibalism in the Bible?
7. Why didn't anyone play cards on the ark?
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EPITAPH
Lester Moore was a Wells Fargo Company station agent for Naco, Arizona in the cowboy days of the 1880's. He's buried in the Boot Hill Cemetery in Tombstone, Arizona:
Here lies Lester Moore
Four slugs from a .44
No Les No More.
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TONGUE TWISTER
If one doctor doctors another doctor, does the doctor who doctors the doctor doctor the doctor the way the doctor he is doctoring doctors? Or does he doctor the doctor the way the doctor who doctors doctors?
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TEN THINGS EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW (OR TEN TOTALLY USELESS PIECES OF TRIVIA)
1. The first known transfusion of blood was performed as early as 1667, when Jean-Baptiste, transfused two pints of blood from a sheep to a young man.
2. Fingernails grow nearly 4 times faster than toenails!
3. Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin!
4. The present population of 5 billion plus people of the world is predicted to become 15 billion by 2080.
5. Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
6. Honey is the only food that does not spoil. Honey found in the tombs of Egyptian pharaohs has been tasted by archaeologists and found edible.
7. Months that begin on a Sunday will always have a "Friday the 13th."
8. Coca-Cola would be green if coloring weren’t added to it.
9. On average a hedgehog's heart beats 300 times a minute.
10. More people are killed each year from bees than from snakes.
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Answers to riddles:
1. Drill Sergeant 2. "Watch carefully. I’m only going to show you this one time." 3. "That’s enough out of you."
4. The conductor 5. Moses served in the courts of Pharaoh 6. 2 Kings 8:1
7. Because Noah was standing on the deck !!!
AUGUST 4TH OF 2009
JOKES AND RIDDLES FOR CHRISTIAN TEENS is a weekly blog that contains good clean humor and inspiration of various kinds. It is part of a website called CHRISTIAN TEEN PLACE compiled and designed for younger teens and older kids with various kinds of humor, puzzles, forums, random polls, inspirational stories of famous people, book reviews, Bible studies, devotions and more. The editor of JOKES AND RIDDLES FOR CHRISTIAN TEENS, Bob Miller is a former middle school Bible teacher, a former church music director, a former youth minister and a former chaplain, to name a few of his "former" jobs. The idea came from his middle school religion class at Ascension Academy in Amarillo, TX.
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FIVE CREATION RIDDLES
1. Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
2. What is one of the first things that Adam and Eve did after they were kicked out?
3. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
4. How long did Cain hate his brother?
5. Where is the first mention of insurance in the Bible?
ANSWERS BELOW
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A LITTLE BOY NAMED TIMMY
Timmy was very afraid of the lightning and the thunder. His mom and dad went into his room during a thunderstorm and said, "Now, Timmy, don't be afraid. God is right here in the room with you."
He said, "Okay, Mommy and Daddy, I won't be afraid."
But then as the mommy and daddy went into their room and started to get ready for bed, the lightning clapped, and the thunder rolled, and Timmy screamed bloody murder. Timmy's daddy and mommy went back into the room and said, "Honey, we thought we told you, you don't need to be afraid. God is right here in the room with you."
Timmy said, "Mommy and Daddy, I know God is right here in the room with me, but I need someone with skin on."
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THE HEAD HOG
One day a man called the church office. He said, "Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?"
The secretary thought she heard what he said, but said, "I'm sorry, who?"
The caller repeated, "Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?"
She said, "Well, if you mean the preacher, then you may refer to him as 'Pastor,' or 'Brother,' but I prefer that you not refer to him as the 'head hog at the trough'!"
To this the man replied, "Well, I was planning on giving $100,000 to the building fund...."
To this the secretary quickly responded "Hang on, I think the big fat pig just walked in!"
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THE BLONDE AND HER COMPUTER
A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman: "I would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of my computer screen."
The surprised salesman replies: "But, madam, computers do not have curtains"!!!....
And the blonde said: "Helloooo.... I've got Windows."
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SAY THIS ONE AS FAST AS YOU CAN!
Mr. See owned a saw.
And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw.
Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw
Before Soar saw See,
Which made Soar sore.
Had Soar seen See's saw
Before See sawed Soar's seesaw,
See's saw would not have sawed
Soar's seesaw.
So See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.
But it was sad to see Soar so sore
Just because See's saw sawed
Soar's seesaw!
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FIVE WORDS TO LIVE BY
1. Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
2. Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
3. Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
5. Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
6. Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.
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1. In the Big Inning, Eve stole first, Adam stole second, Cain struck out Abel, and the Prodigal Son came home. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.
2. They really raised Cain.
3. Your mother ate us out of house and home.
4. As long as he was Abel!
5. When David gave Goliath a piece of the rock.
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BOOKS IN MY AMAZON BOOKSTORE
A LITTLE BIT OF EVERYTHING
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JOKES AND RIDDLES FOR CHRISTIAN TEENS is a weekly blog that contains good clean humor and inspiration of various kinds. It is part of a website called CHRISTIAN TEEN PLACE compiled and designed for younger teens and older kids with various kinds of humor, puzzles, forums, random polls, inspirational stories of famous people, book reviews, Bible studies, devotions and more. The editor of JOKES AND RIDDLES FOR CHRISTIAN TEENS, Bob Miller is a former middle school Bible teacher, a former church music director, a former youth minister and a former chaplain, to name a few of his "former" jobs. The idea came from his middle school religion class at Ascension Academy in Amarillo, TX.
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JOKE
There was this lady who was visiting a church one Sunday. The sermon seemed to go on forever, and many in the congregation fell asleep. After the service, to be social, she walked up to a very sleepy looking gentleman, extended her hand in greeting, and said, "Hello, I'm Gladys Dunn."
And the gentleman replied, "You're not the only one ma'am, I'm glad it's done too!!"
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RIDDLES
What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.
David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.
Honda... because the apostles were all in one Accord.
2 Cor. 4:8 describes going out in service in a Volkswagen, "We are pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement."
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Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
Samson; he brought the house down.
_________________________________________________
Who is the greatest baby sitter mentioned in the Bible?
David, he rocked Goliath to sleep.
_________________________________________________
Where is another mention of insurance in the Bible?
When David gave Goliath a piece of the rock.
_________________________________________________
Why was Goliath so surprised when David hit him with a slingshot?
The thought had never entered his head before?_________________________________________________
If Goliath is resurrected, would you like to tell him the joke about David and Goliath?
No, he already fell for it once.
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What is the best way to get to Paradise?
Turn right and go straight.
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EPITAPH In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:
Here lays Butch,
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger,
But slow on the draw.
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TONGUE TWISTER
A Tudor who tooted a flute tried to tutor two tooters to toot. Said the two to their tutor,"Is it harder to toot or to tutor two tooters to toot?"
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TEN THINGS EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW (OR TEN COMPLETELY USELESS PIECES OF TRIVIA)
1. There is a city called Rome on every continent.
2. It's against the law to have a pet dog in Iceland!
3. Your heart beats over 100,000 times a day!
4. Horatio Nelson, one of England's most illustrious admirals was throughout his life, never able to find a cure for his sea-sickness.
5. The skeleton of Jeremy Bentham is present at all important meetings of the University of London.
6. Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
7. Your ribs move about 5 million times a year, every time you breathe!
8. The elephant is the only mammal that can't jump!
9. One quarter of the bones in your body, are in your feet!
10. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different!
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AN ACROSTIC
BIBLE:
B - BASIC
I - INSTRUCTIONS
B - BEFORE
L - LEAVING
E - EARTH
_________________________________________________
Find Bob Miller on
| christianteenplace | thoughtsforteens | myspace |
_________________________________________________
JOKES AND RIDDLES FOR CHRISTIAN TEENS is a weekly blog that contains good clean humor and inspiration of various kinds. It is part of a website called CHRISTIAN TEEN PLACE compiled and designed for younger teens and older kids with various kinds of humor, puzzles, forums, random polls, inspirational stories of famous people, book reviews, Bible studies, devotions and more. The editor of JOKES AND RIDDLES FOR CHRISTIAN TEENS, Bob Miller is a former middle school Bible teacher, a former church music director, a former youth minister and a former chaplain, to name a few of his "former" jobs. The idea came from his middle school religion class at Ascension Academy in Amarillo, TX.
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JOKE
There was this lady who was visiting a church one Sunday. The sermon seemed to go on forever, and many in the congregation fell asleep. After the service, to be social, she walked up to a very sleepy looking gentleman, extended her hand in greeting, and said, "Hello, I'm Gladys Dunn."
And the gentleman replied, "You're not the only one ma'am, I'm glad it's done too!!"
_________________________________________________
RIDDLES
What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.
David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.
Honda... because the apostles were all in one Accord.
2 Cor. 4:8 describes going out in service in a Volkswagen, "We are pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement."
_________________________________________________
Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
Samson; he brought the house down.
_________________________________________________
Who is the greatest baby sitter mentioned in the Bible?
David, he rocked Goliath to sleep.
_________________________________________________
Where is another mention of insurance in the Bible?
When David gave Goliath a piece of the rock.
_________________________________________________
Why was Goliath so surprised when David hit him with a slingshot?
The thought had never entered his head before?_________________________________________________
If Goliath is resurrected, would you like to tell him the joke about David and Goliath?
No, he already fell for it once.
_________________________________________________
What is the best way to get to Paradise?
Turn right and go straight.
_________________________________________________
EPITAPH In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:
Here lays Butch,
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger,
But slow on the draw.
_________________________________________________
TONGUE TWISTER
A Tudor who tooted a flute tried to tutor two tooters to toot. Said the two to their tutor,"Is it harder to toot or to tutor two tooters to toot?"
_________________________________________________
TEN THINGS EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW (OR TEN COMPLETELY USELESS PIECES OF TRIVIA)
1. There is a city called Rome on every continent.
2. It's against the law to have a pet dog in Iceland!
3. Your heart beats over 100,000 times a day!
4. Horatio Nelson, one of England's most illustrious admirals was throughout his life, never able to find a cure for his sea-sickness.
5. The skeleton of Jeremy Bentham is present at all important meetings of the University of London.
6. Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
7. Your ribs move about 5 million times a year, every time you breathe!
8. The elephant is the only mammal that can't jump!
9. One quarter of the bones in your body, are in your feet!
10. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different!
_________________________________________________
AN ACROSTIC
BIBLE:
B - BASIC
I - INSTRUCTIONS
B - BEFORE
L - LEAVING
E - EARTH
_________________________________________________
Find Bob Miller on
| christianteenplace | thoughtsforteens | myspace |
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TEN BEST RIDDLES THIS WEEK
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JOKES AND RIDDLES FOR CHRISTIAN TEENS is a weekly blog that contains good clean humor and inspiration of various kinds. It is part of a website called CHRISTIAN TEEN PLACE compiled and designed for younger teens and older kids with various kinds of humor, puzzles, forums, random polls, inspirational stories of famous people, book reviews, Bible studies, devotions and more. The editor of JOKES AND RIDDLES FOR CHRISTIAN TEENS, Bob Miller is a former middle school Bible teacher, a former church music director, a former youth minister and a former chaplain, to name a few of his "former" jobs. The idea came from his middle school religion class at Ascension Academy in Amarillo, TX.
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Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Sedonia.
Sedonia who?
Sedonia wanta go to lunch now?
_________________________________________________
Knock, knock,
Who's there?
Thermos.
Thermos Who?
Thermos be a doorbell here some place.
_________________________________________________
Knock, knock,
Who's there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce Who?
Lettuce in. It's cold out here.
_________________________________________________
Knock, knock,
Who's there?
Dishes.
Dishes Who?
Dishes me. Who are You?
_________________________________________________
Knock, knock,
Who's there?
Cereal.
Cereal Who?
Cereal pleasure to meet you.
_________________________________________________
What happened to the woman who covered herself with vanishing cream?
Nobody knows.
_________________________________________________
What do you call an elephant hitchhiker?
A two-and-a-half ton pickup.
_________________________________________________
What makes a road broad?
The letter B.
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How do you top a car?
Tep on the brake, toopid!
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How do you avoid being driven crazy?
Walk.
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SCRIPTURE FOR THE WEEK: CHRIST IS THE WAYJohn 14:6 Jesus told him, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me.
_________________________________________________
Visit Christian Twitters
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_________________________________________________
| christianteenplace | twitter | facebook | myspace |
JOKES AND RIDDLES FOR CHRISTIAN TEENS is a weekly blog that contains good clean humor and inspiration of various kinds. It is part of a website called CHRISTIAN TEEN PLACE compiled and designed for younger teens and older kids with various kinds of humor, puzzles, forums, random polls, inspirational stories of famous people, book reviews, Bible studies, devotions and more. The editor of JOKES AND RIDDLES FOR CHRISTIAN TEENS, Bob Miller is a former middle school Bible teacher, a former church music director, a former youth minister and a former chaplain, to name a few of his "former" jobs. The idea came from his middle school religion class at Ascension Academy in Amarillo, TX.
_________________________________________________
Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Sedonia.
Sedonia who?
Sedonia wanta go to lunch now?
_________________________________________________
Knock, knock,
Who's there?
Thermos.
Thermos Who?
Thermos be a doorbell here some place.
_________________________________________________
Knock, knock,
Who's there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce Who?
Lettuce in. It's cold out here.
_________________________________________________
Knock, knock,
Who's there?
Dishes.
Dishes Who?
Dishes me. Who are You?
_________________________________________________
Knock, knock,
Who's there?
Cereal.
Cereal Who?
Cereal pleasure to meet you.
_________________________________________________
What happened to the woman who covered herself with vanishing cream?
Nobody knows.
_________________________________________________
What do you call an elephant hitchhiker?
A two-and-a-half ton pickup.
_________________________________________________
What makes a road broad?
The letter B.
_________________________________________________
How do you top a car?
Tep on the brake, toopid!
_________________________________________________
How do you avoid being driven crazy?
Walk.
_________________________________________________
SCRIPTURE FOR THE WEEK: CHRIST IS THE WAYJohn 14:6 Jesus told him, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me.
_________________________________________________
Visit Christian Twitters
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
| christianteenplace | twitter | facebook | myspace |
One Less than Twenty Good Ones
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Jokes and Riddles for Teens is an extension of christianteenplace.com which is an exciting new site for teens to find fun things of all kinds including jokes, riddles, puzzles, funny videos, teen devotions, Bible studies and inspirational stories of famous people. Check out the story behind these sites at www.christianteenplace.com. Today's entry has several different kinds of humor. Let me know if you like them.
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Jokes:
A five year old was discussing Noah's Ark with Grandma. Grandma asked, "How many animals went into the Ark?" The youngster replied: "One mail and one e-mail."
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Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said, "Look at that dog with one eye!" The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, "Where?"
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A teacher was giving a Torah lesson, telling the story of Lot's wife. He explained that as Lot's family left Sodom, his wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt. One young child says, "Adults have to be careful. The other day my Mother looked back as she was driving the car and turned into a telephone pole."
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Epitaph
Memory of an accident in a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery:
Here lies the body
of Jonathan Blake
Stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake.
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Tongue Twister
Susan shines shoes and socks;
socks and shoes shines Susan.
She ceased shining shoes and socks,
for shoes and socks shock Susan.
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5 Things Everyone Should Know (or 5 Completely Useless Facts)
1. "Rhythm" is the longest English word without a vowel.
2. In 1386, a pig in France was executed by public hanging for the murder of a child.
3. A cockroach can live several weeks with its head cut off!
4. Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete.
And last but most important!
5. You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.
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8 Puns to live by
1. To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
2. It wasn't school John disliked it was just the principal of it.
3. There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.
4. Skipping school to bungee jump will get you suspended.
5. Math teachers have lots of problems.
6. Studying fungus is a way to mold young minds.
7. He wears glasses during math because it improves divison.
8. When the electricity went off during a storm at a school the students were de-lighted.
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Riddle:
Why didn't the baby goose believe anything his father said? He thought it was all papagander.
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End of School Fun
Humorforteens.com is a weekly but not "weakly" blog that contains jokes and riddles for Christian teens and anyone else that likes various forms of humor. Bob Miller is a former middle school Bible teacher, a former church music director, a former youth minister and a former chaplain, to name a few of his "former" jobs. Jokes and Riddles for Christian Teens is like an arm of his website christianteenplace.com which is to be launched hopefully this week and is a site where Christian teens can find various forms of clean internet entertainment.
Joke of the Week
A teenager was sitting in church, and when the collection plate was passed around, he quickly pulled a dollar bill from his pocket and dropped it in. Just then, the person behind him tapped him on his shoulder and handed him a $20 bill. The boy smiled, placed the $20 in the plate and passed it on, admiring that the man was being generous. Then the boy felt another tap from behind and heard a whisper:
"Son," the man said, "that was your $20 bill that had fallen out of your pocket."
A Short Tongue-twister
Two Tall Hi-Tech Traveling Tractor Trailer Truck Trackers
Bible riddles
1. What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?
Ruth-less.
2. Who is the greatest baby sitter mentioned in the Bible?
David, he rocked Goliath to sleep.
3. What is the best way to get to Paradise?
Turn right and go straight.
4. Who was the straightest man in the Bible?
Joseph, because the Pharaoh made him a ruler.
5. Who are the 3 shortest men in the Bible?
Bildad the shuhite, Nehemiah (knee-hi-miah!) and The man who fell asleep in his watch.
Epitaph
Playing with names in a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:
Here lies
Johnny Yeast
Pardon me
For not rising.
Five Things Everyone Should Know or (Five Completely Useless Pieces of Trivia)
1. The word "queue" is the only word in the English language that is still pronounced the same way when the last four letters are removed.
2. Beetles taste like apples, wasps like pine nuts, and worms like fried bacon.
3. Of all the words in the English language, the word 'set' has the most definitions!
4. What is called a "French kiss" in the English speaking world is known as an "English kiss" in France.
5."Almost" is the longest word in the English language with all the letters in alphabetical order.
This Week's Memory Verse:
Romans 12:2 (NLT) Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is.
Joke of the Week
A teenager was sitting in church, and when the collection plate was passed around, he quickly pulled a dollar bill from his pocket and dropped it in. Just then, the person behind him tapped him on his shoulder and handed him a $20 bill. The boy smiled, placed the $20 in the plate and passed it on, admiring that the man was being generous. Then the boy felt another tap from behind and heard a whisper:
"Son," the man said, "that was your $20 bill that had fallen out of your pocket."
A Short Tongue-twister
Two Tall Hi-Tech Traveling Tractor Trailer Truck Trackers
Bible riddles
1. What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?
Ruth-less.
2. Who is the greatest baby sitter mentioned in the Bible?
David, he rocked Goliath to sleep.
3. What is the best way to get to Paradise?
Turn right and go straight.
4. Who was the straightest man in the Bible?
Joseph, because the Pharaoh made him a ruler.
5. Who are the 3 shortest men in the Bible?
Bildad the shuhite, Nehemiah (knee-hi-miah!) and The man who fell asleep in his watch.
Epitaph
Playing with names in a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:
Here lies
Johnny Yeast
Pardon me
For not rising.
Five Things Everyone Should Know or (Five Completely Useless Pieces of Trivia)
1. The word "queue" is the only word in the English language that is still pronounced the same way when the last four letters are removed.
2. Beetles taste like apples, wasps like pine nuts, and worms like fried bacon.
3. Of all the words in the English language, the word 'set' has the most definitions!
4. What is called a "French kiss" in the English speaking world is known as an "English kiss" in France.
5."Almost" is the longest word in the English language with all the letters in alphabetical order.
This Week's Memory Verse:
Romans 12:2 (NLT) Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is.
New Blog for Christian Teens
Looking for some good clean jokes and riddles? This new site will be where you will want to go first when it is fully developed. It is part of a new website called Christian Teen Place which will soon be up and running. Jokes and Riddles for Christian Teens is the first of a number of blogs on various subjects for Christian teens. The idea came from a middle school religion class at Ascension Academy in Amarillo, TX. I, Bob Miller, am the teacher of the class. See what you think of these first five.
1. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious as to just how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so ordinary and plain that you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is highly unusual though. Study it and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out. Try to do so without any coaching!
2. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Wednesday, Friday, or Sunday?
3. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away?
4. A group of 2nd graders were given the first half of a proverb and they supplied the rest:
You can't teach an old dog new.............................math.
If you lie down with dogs, you'll.............................stink in the morning.
An idle mind is..........................................................the best way to relax.
Where there's smoke there's.................................pollution.
A penny saved is.......................................................not much.
Two's company, three's...........................................the Musketeers.
5. A little boy was saying his bedtime prayers with his mother. "Lord, bless Mommy and Daddy, and God, GIVE ME A NEW BICYCLE!!!" Mom: "God's not deaf, son," Boy: "I know, Mom, but Grandma's in the next room, and she's hard of hearing!"
Answers:
1. There are no "e"s. 2. yesterday, today, tomorrow. 3. charcoal as in grilling.
1. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious as to just how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so ordinary and plain that you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is highly unusual though. Study it and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out. Try to do so without any coaching!
2. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Wednesday, Friday, or Sunday?
3. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away?
4. A group of 2nd graders were given the first half of a proverb and they supplied the rest:
You can't teach an old dog new.............................math.
If you lie down with dogs, you'll.............................stink in the morning.
An idle mind is..........................................................the best way to relax.
Where there's smoke there's.................................pollution.
A penny saved is.......................................................not much.
Two's company, three's...........................................the Musketeers.
5. A little boy was saying his bedtime prayers with his mother. "Lord, bless Mommy and Daddy, and God, GIVE ME A NEW BICYCLE!!!" Mom: "God's not deaf, son," Boy: "I know, Mom, but Grandma's in the next room, and she's hard of hearing!"
Answers:
1. There are no "e"s. 2. yesterday, today, tomorrow. 3. charcoal as in grilling.